Summer is here!

This is a post I started in June and never finished so I am going to finish it now!

The kids are home, it feels great...I love spending time with them!  The last day of school was May 25th, after a closing assembly in the morning we headed right to Timber Wolf YL camp in Michigan for the long weekend.  The week leading up to this I had gotten a nice cold and several stressful circumstances had happened that week, I felt pretty run down.  The beginning of the trip I let life get to me and did not handle it very well but by the end I could stop and appreciate the people we were with and the incredible environment we were in.  This will be something we do every year, the kids loved it!  Some of the highlights were:  Joy (Ben's sister) came with us, Joy, Jack, Kate and Lucy all did the zip line (I am even scared of that), Jack did the ropes course and drove a slick track race car, Lucy caught some fish, we all kayaked, we ate as a family 7 times and I didn't have to cook,serve or clean up any of it!

This week my excitement has mounted as I have the kids home with us I can see changes in them, positive ones.  Jack has become softer, Kate has felt rested, Lucy is growing confident in who she is and Sam well his cuteness meter is off the charts.  I feel like this is a result of our time together as a family and the amount of  time we can encourage them individually.  We actually have time and energy to do the things we always long to do through out the year.  I am talking about simple things like reading to them, all of them!  Playing games, watching movies and helping Ben date them individually.  I love summer break and I think I am going to love schooling them at home even more next year!

This is going to be another year of changes and major faith steps, we are looking forward to what's ahead but any confidence you see in me comes from the Lord.  Like I said we will be home schooling and as of May 5th we started the adoption process, eek this is so scary!  I feel like this is something we have talked about for so long, but now it's happening.  We wanted to start about a year ago and we over and over again felt like the Lord was telling us to wait till Sam was 2.  That was hard to swallow at times but now looking back I can see that it wasn't the right time and I appreciate the ways He has grown us since to prepare us.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

As I read and looked over the things I wrote I think I was just too chicken to post it since I said that we will be home schooling next year and adopting, those are just really big things for us.  I know I was putting pressure on myself to have answers for those that might ask me "why?" are we making those choices.  I still don't have all the answers but the Lord has built up more faith in me that we are walking in the right direction for our family.

So we are 2 1/2 months into the adoption process!  I am officially paperwork pregnant.  We are adopting through American World Adoption agency from Ethiopia.  I feel like God asked us to move forward in faith, each day I can see his vision for us more and more clearly.  We are of course only in the beginning stages and it will likely be 2 years before we meet our daughter or son.  So we will continue plugging away at paperwork and praying for the Lord's provision and guidance.

Season of grieving

Death has become a very familiar word in our household lately, we are possibly nearing the death of our 3rd grandfather since January.  In January Ben's grand daddy passed away very suddenly and this is where it all begun this year.  We were unable to make it to the funeral due to finances and long travel, which was very hard and sad.  This is the first time that we had some real conversations about family and what it means to each of us and where we want to go with our children and relationships with relatives.  I think it was a good time of reflecting how important it is for our children to know who their great and grad father and mothers are, this is what will give them their rich family history and help shape them as individuals.  We spent time reflecting and thinking about these things, and in no time did God help us put some of our lessons to practice.

In February my grandpa Roessler was diagnosed with cancer and was in and out of the hospital.  In mid March he passed away at his home.  This was the first time in a long time that I have experienced so much grief.  This was the first of any of my grandparents to pass away, I didn't know how much that can hurt.  There are not many people who can say that they have known me my entire life, but he was one of them.  It's so strange how memories have come flooding back of the interactions or talks I've had with him.  I think this is the Lord's way of helping me grieve and heal from a loss.  It was really sweet to see the way my children grieved Kate and Jack understood more than the younger two.  They both on several occasions cried and recalled the way they love and will miss him.  Since, it has been fun to recall who grandpa was and how he has impacted their lives.

Yesterday while at the zoo my mom received a call from my dad letting us know that his dad in Michigan was ill and not likely to recover.  Uggg...so hard!  Why is this a part of life, I guess it's an incredible reminder of sin and the reason we can't live forever on earth, without the hope of Christ.  Boy will eternal life be amazing, to never deal with the emotions of death again!  So again I found myself flooded with these memories and emotions.  He has not left this life yet, so my emotions are a bit different but the grieving has already started.  It's hard to tell your kids that someone else who is apart of their life and history will soon not be with us.  Due to geography my kids have not spent as much time with this grandfather but, he just like the others is very much a part of their lives.  It's really difficult to know that the next time we travel to Michigan we will not be with him.  This leg of my journey is not over but the Lord is surely showing me the Hope he has set before me and has used saints that have gone before me with some incredibly comforting words.  I have spent the last two weeks reading Corrie ten Boom's book He Cares He Comforts...so, so wonderful!