The loss

Today I was struck with the emotions of the loss that has to occur in order for a child to enter our home.  I do not take it lightly, it's one of the worse tensions I have ever experienced.  I know my child will have to lose a father and mother and maybe siblings due to circumstances that I can't help or control.  I feel for the family who either is sick or dying and unsure of what might happen to their child.  Or the widowed and rejected  mother infected with HIV and has no other options but to give this child up.  How terribly painful.  I am crying as I contemplate what has to be happening in Ethiopia as those around me are excited to see this child come home to our family.  I want to remember when I am overjoyed about a addition to our family that it came at a great cost to my son or daughter and their birth parents.  Let me not forget the reality and love them with great compassion.  If you're praying for our adoption journey please be praying for this child's heart and the momma that felt the need or had to say good-bye for some reason.

By Faith

By Faith

 

This is a ongoing theme that God continues to work on in my heart.  He is so good and reveals new insights from scripture at just the right moments.  Through the adoption journey I have seen over and over again how a child needs that connection with you as a parent to attach and bond well, this is true for any child!  This is way easier said than done, so I have witnessed.  This thought for me is so easily related to our relationship with the Lord.  Isn't that what Jesus has? A connection with his Father?  Aren't we offered that same connection with the same Father.  "And because we are his children, God has sent the spirit of his Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out, "Abba, Father."  Now you are no longer slaves but God's own child.  And since you are his child, God has made you his heir."-Galations4:6&7.  I am so moved by the thought that we were adopted and and the Lord has offered not a distant relationship but one of the sweetest earthly relationships.  For the last year or so this aspect of the relationship with the Father has been what I see worked out in my life.  More recently I have began to understand a another layer that is pivotal in relationship.  We are asked to have faith, I translate this to mean trust in our Father.  I need to trust as a child trusts their parent.  This is so beautiful when I see one of my children trust me, I mean really trust.  This also is so upsetting and frustrating when one of your children has a lack of trust in you as a parent.  My dad this last week noted a thought during a a Story Form Life group we attended together, I have been processing since.  We as a group were reflecting on Jesus' time on earth and my dad said he has often tried to understand what it means for Jesus to be fully God and fully man, good question.  As we observed Jesus' life it seemed apparent that Jesus often went off to have a time with his Father and through his relationship and connection with his father many miracles and wisdom could be offered.  After He was left in Nazareth by Joseph and Mary and than found in the temple scripture notes "And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man."Luke 2:52 .  What does this mean?  Did Jesus have room for growth in wisdom, stature and favor with God?    I am not going to make absolute conclusions about all of this but I am challenged by the thought that I have the same access to the same toolbox that Jesus had.  As Jesus grew maybe that relationship part with the father took time to grow in wisdom and faith?  I can relate with this.  My dad's thought he shared was that maybe that's all Jesus had a toolbox that included a relationship with the Father, connection that leads to faith. 

I read Hebrews 11 today, it's all about faith.  We are told about dozens of people in the Old testament who acted in faith.  "And it is impossible to please God without faith.  Anyone who wants to come to him must believe that God exists and he rewards those who sincerely seek him."Hebrews 11:6 , ugh so simple but yet so hard to act in faith sometimes! 

I can see the Lord in the past has rocked my world with faith steps and when accepted ended in growth but I have a good feeling that the future holds a crazy adventure that will require many faith steps.  I ended my time this morning reading in the same chapter verse 32-40 and was so pumped about what adventure God has in store for me.  Lord rock my world as you did for those who came before us!



The pace of life

Oh how I miss my blog, why is it now that I have a life fuller than I can ever imagine and I'm busier than ever that I long more than ever to just write life down?  I think I am a little afraid I will forget all that went on and the things I felt in this time of life.  With my 12 minutes at the computer before I need to scoot on with my day, I'll try a quick update.

 

 

Adoption:

 

We finally received our finalized home study!  I sent off the paper work called the I-600A to our government, this will give us pre-approval to bring a child home when!  Once I receive the US approval I can send my dossier (all the paper work I have been collecting since May) to my agency and they can send it to Ethiopia for approval.  Once approved by Ethiopia we then wait until a child is matched with our family by our agency.  Oh I know the Lord has someone already in mind for our family.  He has given us little glimpses of his vision.

 

 

Homeschooling:

 

Before Christmas break my answer about homeschooling could change by the minute.  I have never ridden a ride of emotions like I did August to December.  I think the break was great and the time allowed me to refocus and ask myself why I would do something that felt so hard.  I see now the fruit of just plugging away and doing the thing we feel God has called our family to.  We are learning how to not just get something done so it can be checked off the curriculum box but instead how to interact properly with one another in a loving, graceful way.  I am finding out that my reason (discipleship of our children) for home schooling is playing out different than how I thought it would.  I originally thought we would get assignments done and than I would have a separate meaningful time with each child throughout the week and talk Bible with them.  It is the daily grind, piano, math, language arts, chores, history, science, geography and so on that I am having a chance to guide,train and direct.  I see that they truly imitate me and that is scary!  The moment I am stressed or loose my Patience my kids are like a scary reflection peering right back at me.  Being with me all day they pick up all my sin.  This has brought me more humility and tears than any other stage of life, but it is worth it!  So if I can keep that focus on home schooling I can put aside my "bad" days and see them differently.  Home schooling is going great only because it's a clear tool for the Lord to work on my heart and than I'm able to better disciple and guide my children!