Connecting

Oh so much lately...mostly good but sometimes hard.

 

I have to try to be quick, kids are still in bed.

 

*Quick note, garage sale went AWESOME!  $3000.00 raised, we still have a long way to go but that was such an encouraging start, Praise the Lord!

 

Homeschooling, wow am I challenged daily in so many things.  Organization, mentally and physically.  Four kids and so many books, I thought my house was a mess before, now there are not many words to describe it on some days.  We are working on how to incorporate them doing chores/helping out, it's a process like anything else.

Am I still glad we made this choice, Yes, hands down this is still the best decision we've made for our family.  We are all challenged in ways that I am not sure we would've had opportunity for.  I am with my kids a lot more about about 56 more hours in a week!  I am learning this can be a stressful time or a golden opportunity, let's just say I haven't taken advantage of the golden opportunity part as much :/ .

 

I had to refocus this week, why are we doing this?  To educate our kids, right?  Well yes,

but so, so much more than that.  We said we wanted a deep and genuine connection with our children that would allow discipleship, that is the part that is lose sometimes.  I am examining the way I have been keeping the "peace" in the house and how I have been correcting behaviors.  Often that was looking like being a strong disciplinarian, "follow my rules and expectations or else".  I could sense my frustrations mounting and me disliking my children often.  I constantly was thinking if they would just do the things I am asking them to do this wouldn't be a problem and I could remain calm, but guess what I would just come up with new expectations. 

 

This past week I was given a breath of fresh air and reminded of how the Lord relates to us, as I read scripture I see His desire for us to connect with Him, to remain in the vine.  Why am I tipping the scale and focusing on my children following my every command in perfect obedience? Am I scared I will lose control if not and they will become Hellions, well "yes"!  I mean how will they ever be able to obey the Lord if they can't obey me?  These things are all true but I am going about in a way that I don't see modeled in scripture.

 

My new question is, "How will my children learn what a healthy connection with the Lord looks like if it is not modeled for them and encouraged in them?"  Through this connection the desire to obey is present.  I am more willing to sin if I am not connected to the true vine, right?  I have spent this last week focusing on a connection with them.  What does this look like?  Here's some examples:

 

I tell Sam to pick up his toys, He says "no", I then say "let's try again" Sam pick up your toys, "yes mom" and he does it!  This  has been the response more times than not.  We have had expectations to this daily which then has consequences.  If my focus during asking him to do this was simply to pick up his toys, that accomplishes a clean room and a child that can follow directions, but I want so much more.  At the end of me asking and him picking up his toys, I believe that I showed him that I love him and he can trust me.  I took time to be gentle and care for his soul in a way I see the Lord do for us.  I clean with him and have more chances to engage.  Does the Lord just demand things of us and stand back and expect it perfect the first time or else he'll discipline us, no he gives us second chances and does life with us. 

 

I've noticed that I didn't want to ask Sam or my other children to do things because the answer was often "no"and than we would have take a discipline type action and the manner in which it was all happening made me frustrated always with my kids.

 

So I have spoke mostly of discipline but this has been only one way in which we are being more purposeful in connecting.

 

-I have been purposing to say "I love you" that is not based off anything positive they did.

-Looking into their eyes when I speak to them.

-Holding their hand when I ask the little ones to do things.

-Way more kisses and hugs.

-For Jack or Kate especially making sure I actually hear and look at them as they speak.

-Using the line "let's try it again", with the older ones also has given them the message that I care for them.

-I've been aiming to not say "no" as a knee jerk response and to take the 10 seconds to think about what they asked.  Often the answer can be "yes".

-I am focusing on a gentle tone in all the ways I interact with them.

 

If you know me, these things do not come naturally to me.  I often don't want to give unless I think you deserve it.  I am not naturally soft.  I don't love touch or eye contact.  

I think this can apply to most, I won't actually share my heart or go deep in a relationship if I don't feel secure and loved by the person because than I know I can trust them. 

 

This is all a journey but I felt compelled to share where we are.  Blessings in your day ahead!