By Faith

By Faith

 

This is a ongoing theme that God continues to work on in my heart.  He is so good and reveals new insights from scripture at just the right moments.  Through the adoption journey I have seen over and over again how a child needs that connection with you as a parent to attach and bond well, this is true for any child!  This is way easier said than done, so I have witnessed.  This thought for me is so easily related to our relationship with the Lord.  Isn't that what Jesus has? A connection with his Father?  Aren't we offered that same connection with the same Father.  "And because we are his children, God has sent the spirit of his Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out, "Abba, Father."  Now you are no longer slaves but God's own child.  And since you are his child, God has made you his heir."-Galations4:6&7.  I am so moved by the thought that we were adopted and and the Lord has offered not a distant relationship but one of the sweetest earthly relationships.  For the last year or so this aspect of the relationship with the Father has been what I see worked out in my life.  More recently I have began to understand a another layer that is pivotal in relationship.  We are asked to have faith, I translate this to mean trust in our Father.  I need to trust as a child trusts their parent.  This is so beautiful when I see one of my children trust me, I mean really trust.  This also is so upsetting and frustrating when one of your children has a lack of trust in you as a parent.  My dad this last week noted a thought during a a Story Form Life group we attended together, I have been processing since.  We as a group were reflecting on Jesus' time on earth and my dad said he has often tried to understand what it means for Jesus to be fully God and fully man, good question.  As we observed Jesus' life it seemed apparent that Jesus often went off to have a time with his Father and through his relationship and connection with his father many miracles and wisdom could be offered.  After He was left in Nazareth by Joseph and Mary and than found in the temple scripture notes "And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man."Luke 2:52 .  What does this mean?  Did Jesus have room for growth in wisdom, stature and favor with God?    I am not going to make absolute conclusions about all of this but I am challenged by the thought that I have the same access to the same toolbox that Jesus had.  As Jesus grew maybe that relationship part with the father took time to grow in wisdom and faith?  I can relate with this.  My dad's thought he shared was that maybe that's all Jesus had a toolbox that included a relationship with the Father, connection that leads to faith. 

I read Hebrews 11 today, it's all about faith.  We are told about dozens of people in the Old testament who acted in faith.  "And it is impossible to please God without faith.  Anyone who wants to come to him must believe that God exists and he rewards those who sincerely seek him."Hebrews 11:6 , ugh so simple but yet so hard to act in faith sometimes! 

I can see the Lord in the past has rocked my world with faith steps and when accepted ended in growth but I have a good feeling that the future holds a crazy adventure that will require many faith steps.  I ended my time this morning reading in the same chapter verse 32-40 and was so pumped about what adventure God has in store for me.  Lord rock my world as you did for those who came before us!



Connecting

Oh so much lately...mostly good but sometimes hard.

 

I have to try to be quick, kids are still in bed.

 

*Quick note, garage sale went AWESOME!  $3000.00 raised, we still have a long way to go but that was such an encouraging start, Praise the Lord!

 

Homeschooling, wow am I challenged daily in so many things.  Organization, mentally and physically.  Four kids and so many books, I thought my house was a mess before, now there are not many words to describe it on some days.  We are working on how to incorporate them doing chores/helping out, it's a process like anything else.

Am I still glad we made this choice, Yes, hands down this is still the best decision we've made for our family.  We are all challenged in ways that I am not sure we would've had opportunity for.  I am with my kids a lot more about about 56 more hours in a week!  I am learning this can be a stressful time or a golden opportunity, let's just say I haven't taken advantage of the golden opportunity part as much :/ .

 

I had to refocus this week, why are we doing this?  To educate our kids, right?  Well yes,

but so, so much more than that.  We said we wanted a deep and genuine connection with our children that would allow discipleship, that is the part that is lose sometimes.  I am examining the way I have been keeping the "peace" in the house and how I have been correcting behaviors.  Often that was looking like being a strong disciplinarian, "follow my rules and expectations or else".  I could sense my frustrations mounting and me disliking my children often.  I constantly was thinking if they would just do the things I am asking them to do this wouldn't be a problem and I could remain calm, but guess what I would just come up with new expectations. 

 

This past week I was given a breath of fresh air and reminded of how the Lord relates to us, as I read scripture I see His desire for us to connect with Him, to remain in the vine.  Why am I tipping the scale and focusing on my children following my every command in perfect obedience? Am I scared I will lose control if not and they will become Hellions, well "yes"!  I mean how will they ever be able to obey the Lord if they can't obey me?  These things are all true but I am going about in a way that I don't see modeled in scripture.

 

My new question is, "How will my children learn what a healthy connection with the Lord looks like if it is not modeled for them and encouraged in them?"  Through this connection the desire to obey is present.  I am more willing to sin if I am not connected to the true vine, right?  I have spent this last week focusing on a connection with them.  What does this look like?  Here's some examples:

 

I tell Sam to pick up his toys, He says "no", I then say "let's try again" Sam pick up your toys, "yes mom" and he does it!  This  has been the response more times than not.  We have had expectations to this daily which then has consequences.  If my focus during asking him to do this was simply to pick up his toys, that accomplishes a clean room and a child that can follow directions, but I want so much more.  At the end of me asking and him picking up his toys, I believe that I showed him that I love him and he can trust me.  I took time to be gentle and care for his soul in a way I see the Lord do for us.  I clean with him and have more chances to engage.  Does the Lord just demand things of us and stand back and expect it perfect the first time or else he'll discipline us, no he gives us second chances and does life with us. 

 

I've noticed that I didn't want to ask Sam or my other children to do things because the answer was often "no"and than we would have take a discipline type action and the manner in which it was all happening made me frustrated always with my kids.

 

So I have spoke mostly of discipline but this has been only one way in which we are being more purposeful in connecting.

 

-I have been purposing to say "I love you" that is not based off anything positive they did.

-Looking into their eyes when I speak to them.

-Holding their hand when I ask the little ones to do things.

-Way more kisses and hugs.

-For Jack or Kate especially making sure I actually hear and look at them as they speak.

-Using the line "let's try it again", with the older ones also has given them the message that I care for them.

-I've been aiming to not say "no" as a knee jerk response and to take the 10 seconds to think about what they asked.  Often the answer can be "yes".

-I am focusing on a gentle tone in all the ways I interact with them.

 

If you know me, these things do not come naturally to me.  I often don't want to give unless I think you deserve it.  I am not naturally soft.  I don't love touch or eye contact.  

I think this can apply to most, I won't actually share my heart or go deep in a relationship if I don't feel secure and loved by the person because than I know I can trust them. 

 

This is all a journey but I felt compelled to share where we are.  Blessings in your day ahead!

 

Attempts at who I want to be.

"The person you someday want to be, you are now becoming."

This is the quote I have been focusing on lately.  Ben has said it several times I am not really sure where it came from, my guess is from his days of selling books.  I was thinking one day recently after he said it, "Who is it that I want to be?".  The things that came to mind were things like a woman who is a powerful prayer warrior, someone who aims for a healthy body but is not consumed by it and someone who cares enough about creating history for her kids through documenting stories and pictures.  I could come up with a list of 10 more things but this is where I stopped and focused the last week and a half. 

Recently a friend and I have decided to come together weekly and pray, along with fasting the same meal together.  Wow this has been powerful, why have I chosen to skip one of the most intimate parts of a relationship with Christ and with another believer?  Since we started a couple of months ago I feel like I see how the Lord yearns to connect with us in this way.  This very simple time together has bonded us in a way no amount of time spent hanging out together would.  I know the art of praying with focus and diligence takes just that and I have a very long way to go!  But I want to make strides daily in engaging the Lord and others in this way.

And then there is health and documenting life, ugh.  We eat healthy in our house and make smart choices with food, lots of from scratch meals with fruits and veggies, for me it was easy to stop there.  I have always found an excuse to not go on walks usually revolving around my kids, but lately we have have thrown those excuses out the window.  My sister in law Kerry said that she would like to be outside with Lyla for an hour a day regardless of the temps or weather, not sure if she kept up with that but it inspired me none the less.  I am the queen of excuses, I love to find reasons why I don't do things.  So I want to be a healthy woman, who also cares about being active and I want that for my kids. I forget sometimes that it is me that they imitate.  I'm proud to say we have gone on 4 walks in the last 7 days with kids, for me that's a big deal!  As far as documenting life this is my lame attempt but I have some ideas cooking and will do my best to do them, not just talk about them.  So I end on the note that I am aiming to do things that will help me be who I aim to be, and to stop the excuses I love to make for myself! "The person you someday want to be, you are now becoming."


Kids and family:

We have been battling the last 6 days some nasty stomach bug that looks like it come and disappears for a day and then will pop back up.  I have 2 home from school today, I am really hoping it will go away soon! 

Ben got home from his 4 nights away on Saturday night, it could not have come faster.  He has to go away every year twice, once in the winter and once in the summer.  In the past I have not handled this well but this year I felt prepared spiritually to handle the kids and life without him.  I think if I'm honest the thing that is the hardest when he is gone is that he is so consumed in business and relationships that there is very little time for him to miss me.  I have all the time in the world to miss his presence for those few days.  This time I did miss him a lot and really longed to just spend time with him but it was different because I didn't buy into the lies that I love to believe sometimes that he must not love me or my worth comes from his words or actions toward me, oh so freeing.

Not fair

The subject of things not being fair has surfaced several times this week in our house.  Ben and I had a conversation with a friend regarding life and should life be fair and then driving home the other day Kate after remembering something that Jack got that she hadn't let me know that "it's not fair".  These are such simple words and often said by adults, not just children.  At face value they really aren't a big deal but what I think they can breed if repeated by my children through out life, can be dangerous.  When I say or think that something in life isn't fair often I become very discontent and upset with the one who wasn't "fair" to me.  As I spoke to Kate I wanted her to continue to understand that the God we serve and who is our loving father isn't fair but he is just and he does have our eternal good in mind.  She was pretty heated and I don't think willing to listen at the moment to my words but I am more than sure that this subject will be breached over and over again.  It's been fun to see how the Lord has chosen to use this in my life and as always teach me through my parenting. 

Time to wrap up

We've had a full couple of days!  We finished the last couple of days of our challenge.  Friday night we had beans and rice which we all happen to love, so not much of a sacrifice :)   I think they all licked there plates that night.  We are all certainly feeling a greater thankfulness for normal meals and groceries in the house.  Saturday is my grocery day all the kids put in their request of what they missed, Jack-bagels, Kate-Cheetos and little Lucy -big apples.  Sunday we packed up the boxes and took them with us to church, dropping them off was such a fun experience. 

There is a drop off line so that it moves faster and people don't have to get out of their cars, there was music playing, people running around in turkey costumes, funny little signs while you wait.  It was such a fun experience!  I hope my kids will walk away feeling the excitement of giving and participating in what God is doing in Cincinnati.

  As we move forward and talk about the last week with the kids I want to be sure that we all understand that we did our best to give a taste of others experience or feel in this world but we always knew that life wouldn't be like that forever. I pray that God will use this in my family's hearts, mine included to give us a heart for God's people and to not ignore what the Lord was passionate about.   

Baptisms across the city 

I was aware of at least three churches yesterday doing baptisms, which happen to be one of my favorite things to participate in as a Christ follower...I love it!

My morning started off watching a friend from Grace be baptised...and later with many other believers across the city. 

I have such a joy watching people come up out of the water, it's such a incredible picture of God washing us clean of our sins and new life!  I heard several stories of people who have known Christ for a long time and now deciding to follow through on his command and others who surrendered to Christ that morning.  Several times I was moved to tears to see people's faces as they came up out of the water.  Faith in Christ is simple in that he prompts you and all you have to do is respond. 

A few stories that I don't want to forget.

There was a gentleman who was at the 8:30 service who ignored the prompting to go and be baptised and got in his car and left after service, as he drove away he felt the Lord tugging at his heart to go back he turned the car around and went.  He was then baptised at the next service!

There was a girl who looked about 9 who told us she was baptised last year and she was here to now baptize her younger sister.

There was a young couple engaged to be married and she shared that she knew that she needed to surrender to Christ and be baptised because next year she would need to be able to do this in a marriage with her husband.

I was baptized in a hot tub at a summer camp by Ben a couple of years ago and I can't imagine anyone else that would've been more appropriate to do it.  I love that we serve a God who gives his people his power to do his work.  Ben and I have baptized several people who came to know Christ through his power in us and I hope that we get the privilege to do many more baptisms in our lifetime!

Great conversations with my children.

Lucy shared what she learned about Mary Magdalene yesterday at church.

"Mom...she poured perfume on Jesus's head he thought it was nice, but it wasn't.  The girl followed Jesus where ever he went."  I love 3 year old versions of stories and what they catch.

Jack in the car told me this.  "If I become president, I'm just saying if, I think I will conquer the world in like 4 years.  

Me: "What would you do if you conquer the world?"

Jack"Well help the poor and all the kids without moms and dads"

It's neat to see the Lord working!

Day 3 and 4

Yesterday...on the menu was pizza, homemade no toppings just cheese (this is a sacrifice for my kids and us).  Ben came up with a fun way to further our little challenge.  Right before dinner without the kids knowing he turned off the water to the house.  We sat down for dinner and tried to fill their cups with water from the fridge but "oh no, no water!" Conversation goes as follows...Kids what are we going to do, we'll have nothing to drink tonight...Ben's mom who was over comments well don't kids in Africa have no water in their homes?...What do they do?....We then proceed to tell them that the kids who may receive our boxes have to walk a half day sometimes to get water and even then it's not clean.  Ben's suggestion... Jack, why don't you go down to the Golden village (our neighbor) and get water for the family and of course take off your shoes while you do it.  Kate jumped right in, Jack was a little more hesitant but went also.  This is how Kate came back from the neighbors.

Today day 4 was a different story we started the morning off really rough.  Jack and Kate both opted for oatmeal with chocolate chips and brown sugar.  Ben made it and they both threw the most royal fits.  Ben only put 4 chocolate chips in, not 5 and Kate refused to eat.  Jack tasted his and did the same.  I was honestly a little shocked they should be way past this throwing fits stage, right.  But I think what I would've done most mornings is appeased them and said fine here are more chocolate chips, but not today.  It was sad to me that I hadn't help instill a more thankful heart for the things in front of them.  Now in the midst of this I am reminded how sinful I am also I don't want to stop and take time to have character building conversations and to gently remind them of where they could grow and change.  So in the end of the morning it really wasn't about the oatmeal anymore but what was going on in their hearts.  This week is showing us as parents how we still need to grow and change also.

Dinner tonight I made a vegetable soup that was actually a winner in Kate's eyes, how about that?  The other kids weren't fans by any stretch.  We told the kids that we and aunt Kerry were going shopping for our boxes tonight, Jack was pretty excited and wanted to know if this would be the end to our simple meals, nope not till Saturday buddy.  We all packed up and headed to the store.  Let's just say Meijers and all their customers didn't know what hit them when our two families entered the store.  Boy are our kids loud!  Thanks Kerry for the pics.  

                                                 Dear Africa we got your oil for cooking- Lucy

After all was said and done we ended up spending what we normally spend on groceries for the week with my $23.00 we spent earlier in the week plus the cost of all our boxes.  That felt good that a small sacrifice will really mean a lot to others in this world :)  Hopefully they can see Christ's love in the hands that deliver it!

Day 2

Grocery day!  Well I went to Kroger and had $30.00 wow that can go fast.  I knew if I shopped ads and went to several stores I could've maybe made the money go further but I really wanted to shop where I normally shop and truly feel how little money this is.  I made a very specific list including ingredients and a few basics. After 20 minutes I had completed my shopping ,spending $23.00 and the extra $7.00 left I will act as if we already spent that since we have resources at home we are using.  I walked out with 4 bags it was a little sobering to know that we could choose to eat like this more often and give more, something for our family to reflect on. 

I picked up the kids from school and the first thing out of their mouths is can we get doughnuts?  I wanted to say yes so bad it was actually a great day to do it.  I reminded them that we are saving money to fill our boxes; Jack let me know he wished we weren't doing this.  I know that this can be hard but it's for a greater cause, in the end I think we'll grow as a family and choose to be more purposeful with money.

The biggest challenge for me is to plan meals that don't consist of lots of ingredients and are simple and cheap.  We just did a pasta bake and some bread.  Kate, poor thing lately can't seem to be satisfied with much of anything, was the first to complain.  But after a quick reminder of no complaints and to fill your bellies because we will not be having a snack later they actually ate their dinners.  I think normally I probably waiver when it comes to dinner and let them make excuses for the things they don't like.  It seems so much easier with this challenge in front of us to require them to eat all on their plate.

Overall I am encouraged and pray that God will show us what we can learn from this week.


Side note:  Sam is 18 months and seems to always be conquering the world through climbing and speech but he can't seem to hold his own cup (I think it's laziness, he wants mommy to tip it back for him).  I have decided to today will be the day to learn to do it himself.  It's such a crack up every time he brings me his cup I just help his little hands do it himself and then praise him like crazy.  One of the times I said good job he replied with thank you, it just made me smile.

Today is what appeared to be an ordinary and a regular Wednesday morning and I'm not sure fully what happened other than feeling discontent.  Talking to Ben I couldn't help but feel really emotional over this recent burden I have.  I have this serious desire to live real genuine life with people.  I want to raise my kids together and help my kids see the power of believers coming together to live life and minister.  The model of community I have always seen in church today is to come together once a week and be with one another for a time of encouragement, but I am starting to feel that it's not enough.  I want real life together, where you can't hide because your closest friends are your neighbors.  I want to share meals, things and lots of time as families together who want to love the people around them.  I pray that the Lord will show Ben and I what this looks like or if this is even possible at this point in our lives.  Just    some of my thoughts it feels good to write them down.  Now back to my 1 year old with a poop filled diaper and my daughter who has watched far to much t.v. today...ugh.

By Faith

I have wanted to write a post for awhile but have not felt very inspired or motivated lately to do it.
 A lot is brewing in the Davis household.  First we have added 2 new members, Morgan and Jess.  These are two girls who are college age and have come to live with us.  They are both YL leaders and are neat girls.  It's fun to have them around for lots of reasons, having extra hands in the house is never a bad thing!  The other day Jess took Kate into her room, I think Kate was asking a lot of questions like "who's is this?" and so on.  It was fun to see what came out of that Jess must of told her how they share everything, Kate seemed to love this idea that they share everything and would be willing to share it with her.  Anytime they are home Kate and Lucy try their hardest to spend time with them, I am thankful for Godly young women to be a part of my daughter's lives! I look forward to life together with these girls.

Lately I feel like there have been several things that God has asked us "by faith" to do or start thinking about.  We recently started to attend Crossroads and feel like that took a lot of faith to move forward and to not be concerned about what some might think or others perceptions of Crossroads.  I can't say it enough this was tough since all I have ever known was the church we had been attending but God has been incredibly faithful and confirmed it in every way possible that this was the right decision for our family.  I think the switch has taught me that all believers are apart of the same "church" the body of Christ.  I have always had this constant weird tension that my closest family and friends who were believers that we all needed to share the same church in order to share community with them.  I'm finding out that it's nice if it works out that way but the bigger thing is that we share Christ and we are willing to spur one another on to love and good deeds.  We love where God has placed us right now, we are growing and changing daily and look forward to being challenged even more.

Well the other "by faith" things that are on the table, homeschooling and adoption.  Homeschooling is something since my kids were school age people have asked will you home school and I always gave a very quick "no way".  I grew up in a family that home schooled, I was only home schooled for 1 1/2 years because my mom and I were at each others throats most days.  Now why would I want to go through that same misery I always thought.  But now that I am a little older I can see how incredible my brothers relationships are with each other and the positive benefits it can have on a family.  My kids are in a wonderful school that we are more than pleased with so it's difficult to even picture them not attending there in the future.  This is something we are going to the Lord in prayer about and asking for that direction and strength if this should be where He is directing our family.

Adoption is subject you might hear about often if you are around our family.  We often talk about it, we love the picture of God adopting us as his children knowing how incredibly unlovable we are.  The thought and picture is so moving to me I sit here now with chills, every time my heart dwells on this subject my heart stirs and I feel like I could cry.  As I spend time in the word I can't help but see God's heart through Old and New testament for orphans and widows and try to picture what does this look like to have a heart for these people.  We know that we want to adopt it's all the details that can be so difficult sometimes.  This is sometime that we will continue to work through as a family and with the Lord.  On a side note we asked the kids last night what they thought of adopting and what that would mean for them since they would have to help out more.  Jack's response was great he said "it's not a big deal I've done this 3 times before what's a fourth".  I love my kids excitement over the subject of adding to our family, I look at that as a gift from God.






http://www.nogreaterjoymom.com/2011/11/reckless-abandon.html

Good-bye Earthly Hello Heavenly

I have given myself exactly 10 minutes to write my thoughts...here we go.

This morning was hard and I am not sure really why.  Nothing has really changed lately.  Ben is definitely busier at work and the kids have their normal school routine.  But I felt sad and kinda sad for myself and I know that is never a good place to be.  But God did not let me stay there this morning, I knew deep in my heart that without going to the feet of his throne with a desperate cry I would have a day that could feel unbearable.  At the same time knowing that truth I still fight it, I guess that's natural to not want to give up what you hold onto.  In my case it was self (self pity, selfishness, bad attitude...).  This morning I read Colossians 3:12-15, I was quickly reminded what I was clothed in and it wasn't tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.  I was not willing to make any allowance for Ben or any of his faults or to truly forgive him as God has forgiven me!  Then to continue I most definitely had not clothed myself with love.  I know that this is the only real thing that will hold a marriage and family together so why do I run from it?  I am so selfish at the root of it!  I decided I needed to read the chapter from the beginning since I was reading this out of context, so I went to 3:1 and started and there it was the reminder of why I aim to do anything in my life.  "Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven"...I have been out of focus I had been setting my sights on earth and not the things of heaven.  I'd like to think, good you read some nice scripture this morning now I have it and I will have a great day, but I know that this is a battle of the mind and will.  I am ready and I know with prayer and reminding myself of truth I can live my day very differently than I have for the last month.  Lord you are the only thing that gives life, I aim to have a thankful heart today!

Smiles

Last week was a very difficult week due to several outside stresses and I know that had an effect on my children in the way I have chosen to interact with them.  Frankly I would not have wanted me for a mom last week if I were them. I knew this week had to be different!

 The Lord help me notice something today as I have was interacting with my children, the more I smiled as I spoke or gave direction the better they responded.  As I drove home today and I smiled at Sam in the rear view mirror and he smiled back I was thinking how a smile communicates so much about the way you care for someone.  I wonder sometimes what does my face look like to my kids as I get frustrated and angry with them or outside circumstances.  Do I look like I love them or enjoy them?  Do I show them Christ in my eyes and smile?  I think the Lord is all so graciously reminding me of my purpose and role as a mother and how I will be naturally one of their prime examples of Christ lived out in someones life.  This week I will be consciously purposing to love my family with smiles and loving eyes.  Thank you Lord for your gentle reminders in my life!

Why is that?

As I am reading my bible this morning I realize that I want others to know what I am doing, why is that? I was reading on the iPad and thinking will people know that I am reading my bible? Will they think I am just messing around on the iPad? Why does it matter what others think? I struggle so much lately with doing things so others see and not so that I honor my lord. Maybe I have been doing it all along and now I can just see my sin. It's hard for me I think it can be a fine line in my life of living out my faith so that others can be encouraged and living it so others will praise me. Lord strip the pride out of my life I can see how I make much of myself and not of you. Change me!

Sam don't you know you could of died?

Sam don't you know you could of died?  These have been the words out of my mouth countless times in the last months and especially the last couple of days.  I really do aim to be a good mother but Sam is just too fast.  I take 10-100 small items out of his mouth a day.  These range from Littlest Pet Shop items, Barbie shoes, Lego's, hairballs to leftover food on the kitchen floor.  I mean really why must we put EVERYTHING in our mouth Sam?  Don't you know you could of died?  Yesterday we unloaded groceries and my sweet well intentioned husband put all the bags into one bag but then did not put them under the sink. Well no more than a few seconds later Sam had all the bags pulled out, luckily none on his head, I mean doesn't Sam know that babies shouldn't play with Kroger bags.  Oh course another moment of Sam don't you know you could of died?

 And then today to top it all off Sam and stairs don't mix.  We have multiple times caught him climbing 2-3 stairs and falling off, but still he has not learned or better said yet I have not learned.  He is just so fast and I don't have a gate, I  have never used them before but that will change.  Well I could hear him on the steps so I  checked and he is on the third stair from the top, that means he climbed 10 stairs without falling yikes!  Sam don't you know you could of died!

Doing better

So it's amazing how much I feel like I can get done being stuck in the house for 3 days and most likely four.  Lucy woke up still sick, her symptoms are very similar to Sam's 2 weeks ago.  We had her chest listened to last night due to her breathing, high fever and vomiting but no pneumonia, praise God!  She is slightly better today but still doesn't want me to leave her side.  I am so thankful to God for these times that I have had with my children.  I am now recalling my prayers over the last couple of weeks and it has been to let our life slow down I feel like I am missing so much with my kids.  Now I can see why the Lord had to force me to stop.  My time with Him has been rich, my time with my children has been meaningful.  As I come away from today I want to Cherish what's in front of me more.

Marriage

It has been awhile.  Life has had it's ups and downs this last week.  Ben and I had several things that we weren't seeing eye to eye on and Sunday got a chance to talk on the way to church a 40 minute drive, we went to his parents church.  The kids actually played the whole car trip without interrupting us!  God is so good to give us that time we really needed.  It was good to stop and listen to each other and our concerns and desires for our family and relationship.  Sunday was refreshing to worship a perfect God and know that Ben and I were not at odds with one another.  We often tell the couples that we counsel to that the purpose of marriage is not to make you happy but holy.  This can be so painful sometimes often i look to Ben to make me happy and it often turns up empty not because he isn't a great husband but because that is not his job.  After we go through a difficult time in our relationship I am full of Joy knowing that God's purpose for the pain was holiness.

Stuck in the middle

Lately stuck is how I have felt.  It makes me a little sad because I know that I have not chose to have joy always.  I struggle with how to be a mom to four children and fulfilling that role with love and grace.  We are also engaged in a college ministry through Young Life, which I really love but feel torn constantly.  In the past I have always been able to make YL and motherhood work together but lately it's been more than difficult.  When I am with my college girls I love and enjoy my time, what a fun age group!  But as I drive home or end a night somewhere I feel sad that I have to put my children aside.  Mind you these are all feeling that I am working through and I believe that it's good for your children to see you be outward focused.  I just wonder if my kids are starting to be at a age where I need to invest in their spiritual lives more deeply.  I read Romans 1-3 today and it was refreshing to be in God's word, I read it out loud to myself, that's what I needed.  I aiming to take one day at a time and be diligent where I am in each moment of the day.  I can only do this in your strength Lord and choosing to renew my mind daily!

Good frustrations

Today and the last few days I have felt this underlying frustration in ministry.  Ben and I work hard to share our life with many people and sometimes that can feel messy.  If I really stop and look it makes sense we are sinful people mixing with sinful people.  I sometimes don't get lack of unity in the body of believers, aren't we all called to love the other believers around us regardless of our feelings?  I know that as I have grown in my relationship with Christ this is a area that God has challenged me in, I still have a lot of growing to do!  I understand having a conflict with someone that is natural but why not use the power of Christ's love and work those differences out?  These are just broad questions that have been weighing on me.  I was reading Ephesians 4: 2-4 today and haven't been able to stop thinking of these verses.  "Always be humble and gentle.  Be Patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love.  Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.  For there is one body and one spirit, just as you have been called to one glorious hope for the future."  Today I am committing to make every effort with my brothers and sisters in Christ to stay untied!  I look forward to Heaven knowing that this tension will not be present.  Aim to love today!

Tears

Our 1st real snow Saturday December 4th!

Last night was so sweet we decided to watch some old videos we found.  The first one was Easter 2006 K was barely one and J almost 3.  I had forgotten how sweet K was at that age and how much I loved her.  Lately she has been a challenge, she can be dramatic and I feel like we don't always connect.  It just reminded me to not be caught up in these sometimes difficult moments and just to show love.  I was really struck with the way I interacted with her I was so loving and patient, I often think because she is older she no longer needs me to treat her that way.  In the video J and K did a egg hunt, K waddled all over our yard searching, she had a giant pink dress on, it was adorable.  J got Narnia in his Easter basket and boy was he excited!  Hearing his little voice was so sweet.  We also watched Christmas morning 2006.  J opened all the gifts without stopping and K took her sweet time and played with each gift as she opened it.  K got a kitchen that year, it was the one my dad made me as a child.  This year L is going to get kitchen stuff it's funny how that really is a timeless gift. 

We got our Christmas tree last night, I really like having a big Christmas, tree growing up we had huge ones.  I sent Ben to get one and really tried hard to be content with what he brought back, sometimes that's hard for me to not be critical.  He brought back one that seemed fine but slowly I could feel myself be frustrated and discontent feeling like he didn't listen to me.  Of course it turned to tears and I wasn't very sweet, I know he is thinking it's just a tree.  It was good in the end Ben and I talked and could see each others side of the situation.  He is so sweet he went and got Indian and a bottle of wine, we had a great family dinner and decorated the tree.

On a fun note S is sitting up really good!  If he is on the carpet I can leave him sitting and he does fine.  He is growing fast!

Early Morning

Today was a 6 am day.  Not often but sometimes I have the task of packing up all the kids and getting them to school on time.  I try really hard to not be stressed or irrational with them but I can always feel it creep out.  J had to finish some homework this morning and it was a battle he insisted that I do not need to correct his homework his teacher will do that.  He wrote a sentence that read "I see my little green house at 12:59 o'clock."  I felt like the sentence didn't make sense and he should change it, immediately he argues, I have such a difficult time deciphering when he just needs to obey and when I should just let go.  I chose to have him change it regardless of the battle and try to remember it's a bigger issue of pride and this is how it's manifesting this morning.  I really don't care about the paper it's his character and his heart that I am concerned over, it's really hard to not be distracted by the symptoms of sin.  When I am distracted I focus on how he is being difficult I usually end up screaming and being super frustrated.  When I see J I feel like I deal with the same sin so often but yet I still find it hard to extend the same grace that God gives us in dealing with whatever the situation might be.  So as I write this I want to remind myself that God extends grace often to me and I need to do the same with my children.  Focus on their heart issues as oppose to their frustrating behaviors.